a break

Wow it's been ages since I came in here. I was wondering why, and thinking about it and the conclusion I came to is....nobody seems to stay here. I am a person who likes long term. I don't seem to do well with temporary relationships, whatever kind they might be. I find myself feeling hurt, slightly rejected, abandoned when people who's lives have become part of mine, albeit just a blog, just disappear. I bet lots of people find that a bit odd. Ok, maybe downright weird, but it's just the way I appear to be. Don't other people form 'bonds', for lack of a better word, with the people who's life they become involved in thru reading the blog? With the people who come and read their personal thoughts and happenings and leave their comments? I don't know, I guess it just depressed and disappointed me. I am not gone forever...just taking a break I guess.
If you happen to stop in...please leave me a hi!

critics

I have a blog friend who is in the entertainment field. He is talented, hard working, cares deeply about his craft. A project of his was recently put in front of an audience...one that had taken considerable time and effort on the part of many people. Then along come critics. I read a couple of them and it made me start wondering...who the hell are these people and what the hell gives them the right to say what is and is not enjoyable to the rest of the world? I thought the project was very enjoyable....moving and thought provoking. So what gives these critics the right to tell me anything different. Has there been a bulletin posted that says we must not think for ourselves but must ask what we are to listen to, watch, eat, wear, read etc? So what if I like country music and some critic doesn't....or if I love 'chick flicks' and some critic prefers sci'fi? They can all kiss my rosy ass.....I will continue to make my own choices and decisions based on MY preferences as long as my brain is functioning. And my friends project was kick ass..not just because he is a friend...but because I LIKED IT and I am sure there are many thousands of people who felt the same way. You keep up the good work friend!!

Spring Vacation 2007

Well this is where I departed from in Texas and below is where I landed in Minnesota. Both are beautiful aren't they? The temps in the top picture were in the 80's and the temps in the lower were in the 60's. I actually do prefer cooler temps. I love spring with the crisp, clear air and the impossibly blue skies. The sense of rebirth. Both of these scenes are calming. I could have sat and watched that ice float around that lighthouse for hours at a time. Maybe that one fascinated me more since it's so foreign to me. We don't have snow and very rarely ice here. We don't even have very many days of freezing weather a year normally. Here it's kids, chaos and responsibility...there it was peace, relaxation and no pressure. Altogether a very nice vacation....just WAY too short.

Facets

When I am with Friend A, I am conservative and a bit reserved. With Friend B I am attractive and sexy. With Friend C I am playful, maybe a bit bawdy and naughty. With Friend D I am smart. Which is the Real V? All of them of course, so why do I seem to be different people? Am I just acting a part for each of them depending on what they want of me? I don't think that's the case. I believe it's about the facets. We are all made of so many different facets and there is a time for each one to be viewed. Friend A is laid back, therefore that side of me is dominant in her presence, and do on down the list.
I believe that anyone who says they are the same all the time is deluding themselves. Who we are at any given moment is influenced by many things. How we feel at the time, where we are, who we are with. Why shouldn't we enjoy all the parts of ourselves? Some of our facets maybe destructive or harmful ...those we can try to put on the bottom but must I bury the playful part of me? The occasional waspish part of me? I don't think so. There is a time and a place for all the 'facets' of V.....let 'em shine!

Two Wolves

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pit y, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:"Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

I got this in my email today and thought about what it was saying.....then I thought about what a friend said recently on a blog post about jealousy and how it made him feel bad to have those feelings. All of us have 'inner demons' that rear their ugly heads sometimes. Wouldn't it be nice if we were perfect and never jealous or if we were never vain or unkind. It just doesn't happen. Humans are just human. Most of us who care manage to be pretty decent people and keep the demons on the back burner. Of course there are things that push them to the front, it's just our choice if we 'feed' them and keep them strong or if we put them, weak and unfed, in the back again.

Well I made it through March 1st again. It was better this year, just a few random moments of painful memories. It gets easier to deal with every year. I doubt the time ever comes that I can remember just the good times, but at least I don't feel like I am stuck in some kind of emotional limbo these days. Anyway...I love you and I miss you Mother...I remember.

Genetics

They did a study a while back about personality characteristics and whether they were influenced by genetics or by environment. I listened to some of the findings on the radio as I was on the way to pick up my grandchildren in the mornings. It caught my attention that optimism/pessimism were genetic. I have always been a complacent type person, roll with the punches and I guess easily pleased and a giver. lol Think of me as a human bovine. What I do , I do because I want to. I quit work to stay home with these kids who drive me insane sometimes, because that was my choice. I do not get a salary for doing this, I expect none. I get something much more important....I get love. I am the one who got to see the first tentative steps, I am the one who got to teach them first words, I am the one who gets to watch them play and smile and hear the beautiful sounds of their voices laughing, to see their peaceful faces when they are resting. Pure selfishness on my part! I do not have any money. I do not live in a nice house with new furniture. I do not have designer clothing or a new car or expensive jewelry or any of the 'things' that so many people have or crave these days. But when I sit or walk outside on a nice day and see the butterflies , hear the birds sing and feel the breeze on my face, I feel content and at peace . When I look around at my children and see the fine adults and parents they are, I feel a deep seated pleasure and pride. If that is genetics, then I will take it...and hopefully pass it along! I have been blessed and I truly feel sorry for those who have some of the same joys I do and don't appreciate them.


MIA.....my friend Wilma...and my friend John...you are missed. Email me to keep in touch if you wish.

opinions

I have noticed a couple of places recently discussing unwanted pregnancies. The ease with which the parties injected the possibility of abortion astonished me and really made me start thinking. I never really considered myself to be 'pro-life' but I realize that is probably what I have become over the years! I realize that there are circumstances that are NOT good for pregnancies for a variety of reasons. It just occurred to me that there are lots of people who support and speak in favor of the rights of the woman involved who can speak for herself...but who speaks for the baby who cannot? Who decided that just because that baby can not live on it's own it's not a human yet? Who decided that terminating the life of an unborn child is ok while terminating the life of one 1 day old is not? What is the difference really? Ending a life is ending a life isn't it? How do the women who opt for that solution reconcile themselves to termination of a life created by THEM? "I don't want this..." "It was an accident..." ok that's probably true. However I believe that is an inherent responsibility that one assumes when a sexual relationship is entered into. The choice of whether or not to reproduce is certainly yours... but if you don't want to conceive children don't conceive.. once you are pregnant IT'S TOO LATE..FYI you HAVE reproduced! Once a life has begun I believe you are responsible to nurture that life. YOU created life...It's up to YOU to take care of it..not get rid of it if it doesn't fit your plans. If you are not in the position to raise the child personally, it's your responsibility to put that child where it can have a loving, happy atmosphere to grow up in.
Ok that being said, I'm going to spew a minute about standing behind your convictions. If one can be cold blooded enough to kill an innocent baby....and believe it's their right to do so, why don't most have the convictions to stand up and say 'yes I committed this act and I believe it's ok '? Are they afraid of public opinion? Why, if you are doing something that's ok? Is it because they know they are doing something for THEM at the highest cost of the innocent they created? This being true, the guilt and haunting nightmares that surely haunt them are well deserved aren't they?