more time passed...

Well biopsies proved that the masses were just that...scared shitless for nothing but so very relieved. But completely lost, missing my best friend and with no focus really at that time. Back to the internet I came. Not looking for anything but companionship, I found a chatroom with a combination of people in it that I blended with and settled in to make friends. ( I guess I need to explain that I live in a rural area and socialization is not really encouraged by my husband. He has no trouble sleeping while i chat tho. *grins* ) Eventually I pushed past my pain and make friends I did...men, women I laughed and talked and had a great time. Some good friendships developed from there and I will be forever thankful. Back on an even keel (almost) time rocked on and one night about a year and a half later, I was sitting at the computer chatting with a friend and up popped an im box from him. Shock? Surprise? Pain? Fear? Happiness?Trepidation?Anger? YES YES YES YES YES and YES!!!! We chatted a while just catching up on what had been going on in our lives, where he was at the time (he moved around with his job). After a while of occasional chatting I decided that I needed to talk to him. Having had no closure in the relationship I wanted to talk and when its painful and important, face to face is better. So I made the trip to where he was living in LA. I stayed 3 nights and we talked and I cried and cried and he cried and apologized and it was a good visit...and yes i slept with him and no we weren't intimate. I made the drive to see him 3 more times. There were things that he had lied to me about, I knew things about him that he didnt even know I knew...painful things for me since I had believed everything he told me and trusted him completely. So now we throw broken trust into the mix...How much can you believe someone who says they love you and has loved you for years and will continue to love you, is sorry they ever left you and never wants to be without you in their life again, after finding out about the past lies? I wanted very badly to believe....but on certain issues there were always some suspicion.....is that the truth or one of those little 'I didnt wanna hurt you' lies? But love has to have trust to survive...so I kept the suspicions at bay. Then he moved back home with his wife and family....YIPPEE!! he's only an hour away from me...I can see him more often even if its only for lunch!! And I did..drove over to have lunch or a movie as often as I could...and we could still chat some in the evenings and play backgammon or cards, just not as often as we had been able to when he lived alone. I was content with that. to be continued.....