Christmas

wow, it's been a while! So much going on this time of the year....so many emotions to deal with, so many memories...... Every time I hear the song Silver Bells I am 6 years old again in the Christmas program at the elementary school. The song Rocking Around the Christmas Tree reminds me of my Mom, actually she is an integral part of Christmas for me....The brisk winter air with Christmas songs playing softly, the cold impersonality of Christmas dinner eaten in a hospital cafeteria, a long drive home crying all the way and reaching home and a family waiting on THEIR mom for Christmas, watching them in a daze feeling disembodied and numb with pain, helping her walk slowly because she was too weak to do it alone and sit wrapped in a blanket for hours on a bench in her yard watching beloved children and grandchildren play football knowing it would be her last Christmas, shopping quickly and hurrying to meet the man I loved for some much needed time together needing his strength because all of mine was going to Mom, making pecan pies because that was her favorite...and then there are my babies, my beautiful babies with the awe filled eyes and the innocent delight in the lights and the gifts and the exuberance of having everybody together, running and playing and exclaiming over new things until they just curl up and pass out in somebodys lap. I look at them and I see little pieces of my past in them and all of my future...they are my imortality, and the imortality of everybody who came before me....I hug them tightly and I feel better and I will try to give them wonderful memories to carry with them and use as a buffer against the pain of loss that we all face eventually.