Words/Quality time/ Actions
WORDS -QUALITY TIME -ACTIONS.......................I have been thinking about this alot since reading another blog recently where the writer mentioned being a QUALITY TIME person and their spouse a WORD person. I guess it never really occured to me the differences. After a little brainwork what I came up with is this....a WORD person needs to hear praise and validation... a QUALITY TIME person needs one on one uninterrupted time....and an ACTIONS person needs to be shown that they are considered and valued.
A little self evaluation indicates that unfortunately I seem to be all 3. Not only do I need someone to spend time with me just talking, or taking a walk or any of the little things that people do together, I need to be shown that I am thought of. A message, a phone call, an email or a card, a touch, a hug or kiss, a look or just any little thing ( grand gestures aren't necessary) that takes a few seconds to let me know that I am considered and thought of. I also need verbilization. I need to hear 'I miss you' 'You look nice' 'I am glad I have you'...and more lol..this one kind of surprised me when I thought about it...because I have a difficult time opening up and telling people what I am thinking and feeling, the more intense the feelings the higher the diffuculty level. To throw more into the mix...I need someone to WANT to do all of the above, because they want to and not because it's what I want.
Tonight my feelings are hurt, but I didn't say anything. I usually don't. I will just go cry in the corner and wonder if the person who hurt me even cares. When I wake up in the morning I will pretend everything is fine, when what I really want is for that person to know me well enough to know that they hurt me and to care enough about me to not want me hurt. ok..now we can all gag...I'm a grown woman who has a mouth and knows how to use it right? So if this is what I want why not open that mouth and SAY SO? I wish I knew.
posted by Facets of V @ 9:42 PM
4 Comments:
It's part of life V....We hold back...it's human nature I suppose....So many people are in a relationship where they feel unhappy.....Why do we do this??......Why don't we just say something??......Is it the fear of being alone.....or being totally rejected.....Or is it being scared of being hurt again!!!!
Have a great day!!!
John-I hate confrontation and conflict....and I also never want to say anything when I'm upset that shouldn't be said...apologizing can't erase.
Lori- I think it's a little of all ...
((hugs))
I do the same thing, V. It's awful and frustrating and I wish I could change it.
You've got the idea. We all are wired just a little differently. And when we aren't "getting our bucket filled" by our significant other, sometimes it's cuz there's a lack of understanding of how each of us express and feel love.
Made a lot of sense to me when I paged through the book. Probably more enlightening and useful than the "Mars/Venus" thing.
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