pissed

OK I am pissed and I'm gonna rant a bit today. Let me sketch in the background...my daughter in law was 12 when her mom died of cancer. Her dad raised her and sis from then...with a somewhat hands off approach, however they were close. She lost her first child in the first trimester and was midway thru the second pregnancy when he decided to move to another town halfway across Texas, a 12 hour drive from her....just because he wanted to... and wasn't around but a couple of times a year for the first 2 years of J's life, the whole 3rd pregnancy and the first 6 mo of L's life. He and his new wife moved back home. There was some family time but no one on one with the lil ones. Fast forward to this summer..J is 3 1/2 now and quite the lil miss. She is the kind of child that spoils you for normal rowdy children. When they started to the summer school 1 1/2 day a week the other grandmother (who has no children) somehow ended up picking her up on her half day. This was done i'm sure because I live 12 miles out of town and that mid day break falls right at naptime for the lil one too young to go to summers school this year, and they live in town. Well that's all fine, J needs to know that side of the family too and I shouldn't be selfish ( I have had her since she was 6 weeks old after all). One day I arrived at school and the grampa and gramma were picking up J and her cousin A who was there visiting for the summer. Neither one of them offered to pick up L and hug him or show any kind of affection and they watched him like he was some kind of alien being that had yet to be proven non-leathal. I was told 'well he can come when he gets a little bigger' ( his is a year and a half now and supposedly just too active for them to handle yet, but both of them are active and in good health). The following week they not only took the girls home with them but one of their friends as well! To date they have never spent or offered to spend even a half hour alone with L...but they can take other peoples kids for the afternoon? WTF!!!! I realize that I am probably not very objective about these kids...but that little boy is a pure joy. He is bright and beautiful and energetic and loving and totally wonderful. For him to be put off like a biscuit waiting to rise is just not right on so many levels. What a loss for them! I was told that one of them even refused to kiss him one day because he was a bit juicy! ( well yea ok it's gross..but can't you wipe his mouth first or your mouth after? Never refuse a love token is my motto!!) I am also concerned that J will somehow get the idea that she is special, she is very perceptive and intelligent. Lord knows a Diva complex is not a nice thing for a child to have!!! I know that my daughter in law wants her children to know and love her dad and the kids deserve that too...but right now I don't think these folks deserve these children!! What, you just put them off in a corner til they are old enough to fend for themselves then you make time to get to know them? Have they no clue of the special stuff they miss out on during those first years?? Do they even care???? pissed, hell yea I'm PISSED and I am likely to stay that way for a while over this.

funk

Well what the heck is wrong with me? I seem to have picked up a case of funk I am having a hard time dumping! Do you ever have the feeling that the world is turning around you and you can see it but you aren't really a part of it? It's kinda weird..the feeling of disassociation..almost like seeing a beautiful rainbow in shades of gray. Things aren't funny, (and I laugh and smile all the time and have the wrinkles to prove it!) I have no motivation to do anything..nothing seems important or fun. I seem to be just floating along from day to day robotically. Am I waiting? What for? What is missing? ho hummmm It will settle down eventually I'm sure. In the meantime, I'll just keep on keeping on!!

it's time...again

It's about that time again...I am ready to get away for a bit. I have been housebound long enough. I want it to be about 70* in the daytime and about 55* at night. I want to go somewhere beautiful and quiet and camp out where I can hear the water. I want to be comfy with a fire and watch the stars and hear the crickets. I enjoy doing things like that occasionally. I also want someone to go and do this with who enjoys it too. What the heck, as long as I'm dreaming right?!

National Night Out

Well I escaped the involuntary disassociation from the net induced by the alien creature who sleeps in my bed! !! wooooohooooo!!

Tonight was National Night Out. How many of you went out and partied with the neighbors? Our rural community gets together every year at the local 'meeting place', the hub of the community-the little store..the only business within 15 miles. There were probably 200 people out in the street in front of the store, children running around, a little band set up, free snow cones for the kids and the local volunteer Fire Dept. had the hamburgers coming off the huge pit steadily so everybody was happy. Grannys and Grampas had the lawn chairs set up in the middle of the street so they could watch the brave ones dance polkas, 2-steps and various booty shaking dances that defy description on the uneven asphalt in flip flops or barefoot (that was me!) and even holding babies. It is one of the few times of the year that you see neighbors who sometimes get lost in the day to day hassle of life. The night to catch up with each others lives and see how the little ones have grown. Lots of smiles and handshakes and hugs and gossiping......some of the good stuff in life!!! I like living in a small community, like knowing most of the people I see, like seeing young adults following their children around and remembering when they were the ones being followed! Who would have guessed when we packed our 3 babies and moved here 26 years ago, 250 miles from anybody we knew, that we would find this life?