Jan.8

I have always been a dreamer...there were times im my life when it seemed I dreamed all night every night. I have had recurring dreams for a period of months or years...never made sense to me. Lots of times when I was younger I would have dreams where I was terrified and trying to run away from something ..there were the dreams where I would be at work and realize I was naked...lol...all common dreams I think. Funny how the mind makes up these scenarios to help us deal with the stress we have in our lives..sometimes that we don't even realize we have. I think I might be spending too much time in chat tho because in recent years most of my vivid dreams seem to be about messages or a chatroom...it might be messages that seem very important but I just can't quite make them out ( I had a ton of these about a year ago..woke up tired and disturbed every morning)...or maybe people talking to me in a chatroom and I can't understand what they are saying..or maybe I do and don't want to!! I had one of those nights last night again, dreamed I was in a chatroom and people were talking to me, it was very odd. It kinda lingered when I woke up and put a sluggish start to my day. It's been a funny day today anyway....my mood could have been better...best description of it could be "frustrated, depressed, pissed off, restless and just fuck it all!" lol that's a lot to cram into a mood isn't it?
It wasn't a bad day tho, I got a phone call tonight from my cousin, one I was close to as a child but haven't seen much of in years and years..we kinda went different ways and I moved, just how things happen, you drift away. Anyway, he wants to get together and maybe spend the night somewhere and have a good visit..he is in his 3rd marriage now ( I don't know her). We only live 4 hours apart...I am thinking maybe I should just drive up there more often, I need to actually. His Mom is my Mom's older sister, not always the best sister or person but well loved anyway. I haven't seen her since a few months after my Mom died...we went to WVirginia together..her only daughter lived there and after her death my aunt would go pick up her grandaughter and bring her home for a visit in the summer. I do feel bad that I don't go up there more often but it just hurts. If I do go I can't stay there long because the memories take over....maybe if I just DO IT it will get easier?? Why is it always so hard for me to let go..to accept and go on?