Love

I LOVE YOU......simple words and easy to say...too easy for some people, too easy because they aren't felt. Those words should be felt from the very depths of who you are. If that feeling is there they should be said... even tho we might know that we are loved, we still need to hear it expressed. There are so many different types and levels of love tho...it gets very confusing. To say 'I love you' might mean different things to the speaker and the listener. I love my husband, I love my children, I love my friends, I love my pets, I love ice cream and it's all good. There is no feeling like being IN LOVE tho.........and knowing that it is returned is like the best drug...once you have had it...you don't want to live without it being a part of your life.

Antsy

What's this feeling? Optimism? Hope?Anticipation? I'm not sure....just feels like I am waiting on something, like there is something important lurking just out of reach. Maybe it's Spring.......in my soul? Time for new warmth and life to surge up and fill up the places that have been dormat and cold for long enough. I just feel antsy, it's time for a 'get-away'. It's been a long while and I think I am ready, it's time for me to move forward! NOW......let me figure out where to go!! Anybody got any ideas lol?

OH MY!

OH MY! OH MY! I ran into a man a few days ago in a chat room who lives a fairly near me. He pops up today and was telling me about a club in the SMALL RURAL town he lives in....a meet n greet swingers club!! He says that none of the locals know about it that he himself has been past there many times and never noticed nor knew what was there. Seems that this is a club for couples only where they can go drink (BYOB) and dance and go topless (not nude tho) and meet other people of similar interests and test the waters (ie: a little friendly groping but no actual sex acts)before taking the party to other places to get down to serious business. Now just the idea that this place is hiding in a normal looking strip center in Podunk, TX is mind boggling enough, but this fella comes along with..'you should come over and let's get a few more people and go check it out one night' !!!! Of course my mind scatters into several different directions....1) its hilarious to think about the librarian or the insurance guy or the lady at the bank or even the plumber dancing the night away with their boobs swaying in the breeze or sitting in the corner feeling each other up! 2) it's amazing that the place can be there and is such a well kept secret 3) it's intriguing.. woooohooooo to be a fly on the wall!! 4) it's just a bit insulting that he would think I was the 'hang 'em out public groping party girl' type...5) it's a bit flattering too that my adventurous side was noted and that I might be considered fun! (contradictory i know) and 6) I can't think of one solitary person who is not states away who would go do something like that and that I would be comfortable going with! (well ok there is one..not available). ROFL....what a giggle...of course there is no way in hell I would run around in a room full of strangers with my boobs flapping but I do think it might be fun to go with people you trusted and were comfy with and have a lil look around! We old ladies in the country need some continuing education once in a while too!!!

relationships

Funny thing about relationships, it takes a lot of ups and downs and angst to hash things out and determine just what each partner needs or wants or expects from the other, and if those things are even compatible. Sometimes there is even some confusion about whether the relationship even IS. The bond, connection, attraction or even commitment felt by one is not necessarily returned in kind. I guess everybody wants to feel special, to think that what they share with someone is unique. It can be a bit demoralizing and disappointing when the realization hits that they are on the level of the group instead of standing one step up the ladder of intimacy.

I was looking at some other blogs and ran across this and thought it had some good stuff so I borrowed it...

21 General Rules of Life (Some I find more important than others)



ONE. Give people more than they expect, and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly, but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile, and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: respect for self; respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

word pictures

Glances
Smiling
Touching
Lips
Tongues
Murmers
Caresses
Sighs
Desire
Nibbling
Licking
Sucking
Softness
Hardness
Dampness
Needing
Slipping
Sliding
Thrusting
Groaning
Crying out
Wetness
Moans
Sighs
Holding
Kissing

MMMMM

Goodnight

Jan.8

I have always been a dreamer...there were times im my life when it seemed I dreamed all night every night. I have had recurring dreams for a period of months or years...never made sense to me. Lots of times when I was younger I would have dreams where I was terrified and trying to run away from something ..there were the dreams where I would be at work and realize I was naked...lol...all common dreams I think. Funny how the mind makes up these scenarios to help us deal with the stress we have in our lives..sometimes that we don't even realize we have. I think I might be spending too much time in chat tho because in recent years most of my vivid dreams seem to be about messages or a chatroom...it might be messages that seem very important but I just can't quite make them out ( I had a ton of these about a year ago..woke up tired and disturbed every morning)...or maybe people talking to me in a chatroom and I can't understand what they are saying..or maybe I do and don't want to!! I had one of those nights last night again, dreamed I was in a chatroom and people were talking to me, it was very odd. It kinda lingered when I woke up and put a sluggish start to my day. It's been a funny day today anyway....my mood could have been better...best description of it could be "frustrated, depressed, pissed off, restless and just fuck it all!" lol that's a lot to cram into a mood isn't it?
It wasn't a bad day tho, I got a phone call tonight from my cousin, one I was close to as a child but haven't seen much of in years and years..we kinda went different ways and I moved, just how things happen, you drift away. Anyway, he wants to get together and maybe spend the night somewhere and have a good visit..he is in his 3rd marriage now ( I don't know her). We only live 4 hours apart...I am thinking maybe I should just drive up there more often, I need to actually. His Mom is my Mom's older sister, not always the best sister or person but well loved anyway. I haven't seen her since a few months after my Mom died...we went to WVirginia together..her only daughter lived there and after her death my aunt would go pick up her grandaughter and bring her home for a visit in the summer. I do feel bad that I don't go up there more often but it just hurts. If I do go I can't stay there long because the memories take over....maybe if I just DO IT it will get easier?? Why is it always so hard for me to let go..to accept and go on?

I was thinking about how a person can hurt another persons feeling sometimes, or make them feel insecure and not realize they are doing it. I guess it's just in the outlook or values....what is important to me might not be important to another person so if they disregard it it means nothing to them and it hurts me. Things like that are hard to determine and often hard to explain since the other person seldom sees your view of it. lol that's when you get called silly. Feelings aren't silly ...they are real and how you feel is how you feel for whatever reasons.
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Today is my Julie's third birthday!!

I have always loved babies and kids and was looking forward to having grandkids. I was sitting at my computer one day and my son came in and leaned against the wall and said..'Mamma Sarah's pregnant' lol so I looked at him and said 'ok when is the wedding?' (Some background here..Cody and Sarah have been together since he was 16 years old...and had been living together for about 4 years when this happened, not something I liked but I didn't fuss.) Anyway it is my view that a child should be born into a solid family where the mom and dad have the same name and it's a permanent relationship, and living together might be long term but it's still open ended..thus the question. (lol ok ok it's my old fashioned conservative outlook showing.....) So anyway, at first I was excited, then the tears started..all of the sudden I felt OLD..a GRANNY!! So I moped around a couple of days and the excitement came back...woooohoooo a baby!! Well the weeks passed and one day he came back in, obviously disturbed about something, and told me that something had happened, our baby was dead. Ahhhhh the pain....They were in the hospital on my son's birthday removing the traces of the baby from Sarah's body. Well the months creeped by, busy with my Mom and a couple of months after her death she was pregnant again......terrified to say anything in case the same thing happens again, but things were great....we all were there for the sonogram that showed us a lil creature curled up in her tummy with her mouth moving already. What a sight!!! Well January comes around and Sarah is FULL of baby lol and off to the hospital they go to induce because the Dr is going on vacation ( Just a messed up idea in my opinion) and Sarah lays there for hours...finally at 5:30pm with Cody on one side of her and me on the other, that lil bundle is pushed out into the Drs waiting hands... what a sight...what feelings. And that was 3 years ago....she is a wonder...a healthy,bossy, loving, talkative lil bundle with wispy blond waves and moss green eyes and round chubby cheeks... Granny's dumpling, a jewel indeed. I still think about the baby we lost...the one who was loved so much that we never got to hold...and thank God for the ones he has given us.

health

I think we take good health for granted. Those of us who are and have been healthy during our lives that is. I have 2 dear friends who weren't that lucky in 2005. D was diagnosed with prostate cancer and had the treatments that kept him under the weather for a few months the first part of the year...and JW was diagnosed with a return of the lung cancer he had battled off once before, having more treatments and being pretty puny for a while. It's hard when you know somebody you care about is going thru something like that and you can't do anything but try to encourage them and worry about them. There was great news the week before Christmas when they both had check-ups and the cancer was in remission for them both!!! YEAH!!!! That is such good news..for me and for them and their families, and such a nice way to go into the holidays and a New Year. I am considering that a good omen for 2006.........((smiles)) it's all gonna be all right.

lessons

It was a nice warm day today, doesn't feel at all like you would expect the first week of January to feel. We took the lil ones to storytime at the library this morning and got some lunch and went to the park to eat. They had such fun playing on the stuff there...you wouldn't think they had any slides or swings or anything at home to play with lol. They all passed out in the car going home...such tired lil munchkins.
I was thinking about Lori's poem about lessons....and I really believe that all things happen for a reason. That everything that happens to us teaches us something we needed to know...even the painful stuff. That old axiom about 'one door closes and another opens' comes true, sometimes it just takes a while to realize it . An old friend is lost, but another comes along.. not necessarily better or worse, not the same but a friend non the less. Maybe one we need at the stage of life we are in to teach us something? I don't know. It just makes me feel better about stuff sometimes to think that there is a reason for things even if I don't know the reason!

Jan. 2

The weather is perfect....in the mid 70's and down to the 40's at night...sunny and bright. The new year is coming on strong! GO 2006!!!!
We went to our son's and daughter-in-law's house for New Year's Eve..came home about 10 to put the lil one to bed. Hubby rolled over and passed out and so the New Year began....me in here alone on the computer and him asleep in our bed. Such is my life. *huge sigh* I have heard that how you begin your year is how it will be all year long............
I was trying to remember back to a time when I didn't feel like one of the fixtures around here and I can't seem to do it....I can't say when was the last time I was touched affectionately here by someone over 4 ft tall. A hug , a pat on the shoulder, maybe even a scratch behind the ear like the dogs get!!! I think it has been years actually. I'm just afraid that it's too late. I think it's been too long, too much damage has been done and now I don't want those things here anymore........it's sad and it's lonely.
I don't think I will make any resolutions other than to try to live each day with some peace in my heart.
DEMONS BEGONE! lol